


Had Me A Boy

by absolutpiphi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack-ish, Fluff, Humor, M/M, mostly dialogues, slight chenbaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:31:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absolutpiphi/pseuds/absolutpiphi
Summary: “You can’t just enter his room.”“Why not?”“Because the door is probably locked and there’s a note that literally says Don’t Knock on it? He has a doormat, doormat Chanyeol, that reads Go Away in ambigram!”





	Had Me A Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I don't know what's happening in this ficlet. I'm not sure what the plot is but I guess you could say it's Chingu Line shenanigans? They might seem too OOC but please take it with a light heart. It's started off from that BTS pic where Suga, god bless him, has that go away meme on his doormat and Jhope is just standing there lol  
> Also, I tagged it but the story is mostly in dialogue form hopefully it isn't boring and confusing  
> Enjoy

“You can’t just enter his room.”

“Why not?”

“Because the door is probably locked and there’s a note that literally says Don’t Knock on it? He has a doormat, _doormat_ Chanyeol, that reads Go Away in ambigram!”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “I can see that.”

“Are you sure? Because you don’t seem to see the message that we’re not welcome. No one is.”

“Soo likes us.”

Baekhyun scoffs. “Right. I’m sure he has booby traps set just for us. They will detonate just from the waft of our scent or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Baek. Though booby traps are cool- but Soo wouldn’t mind us being in his room because we’re here to surprise him! With a cake! Who hates cakes? C’mon, the candles are melting.”

Baekhyun blankly stares at his friend. “Find all the wrong things in what you said, I’ll wait.”

“And getting in won’t be a problem because,” Chanyeol elongates the word as if Baekhyun has said nothing while rummaging his pocket one-handed, “I have a key!”

“What the- where did you get that?! Are we seriously trespassing into a serial killer’s room?!”

Chanyeol completely ignores his best friend and makes a move to reach to the lock.

“ _Give me that!_ ”

“Baek- _Baekhyun!_ What are you doing?!”

“I’m trying to save your life!”

“I’m going to drop the cake, stop it!”

“No! You’re digging your own grave. And mine!”

“What the fuck- let me just- open the goddamn door!”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol struggle for the key, both knowing the other won’t back down easily.

“Listen- _listen to me, Yeol!_ If this door opens, we’re dead. We are both dead!”

“You’re being overdramatic-”

Their only warning is a measly click before the door swings open from the inside. Baekhyun petrifies and vaguely, yet with great satisfaction registers his best friend’s frozen state, bravado of not fearing for his stupid life gone and replaced with dread.

There’s a figure dressed in black, glaring at them from the depth of his black orbs. “Shut the fuck up. Do you know what time it is?” He questions, and his voice reverberates within Baekhyun’s bones.

“H-hey, Soo…” His stupid best friend says. “It’s- it’s afternoon, though?”

“H-hey…”

Kyungsoo stares at them, large eyes scrutinizing their every move. Baekhyun feels himself choking in the stifling silence. Kyungsoo’s gaze eventually settles on the cake, which Chanyeol promptly holds the dessert in Kyungsoo’s face like a sacrificial offering to the gods. Baekhyun can’t help watching his friend like a train wreck happening in slow motion.

“We wanted to… I mean I’ve- your birthday,” Chanyeol stutters, then abruptly breaks into a song, “H-happy birthday to you~, happy~ birthday- blow the candles, Soo!” He says a little enthusiastically, ends up blowing the candles out himself. “Ah, shit- sorry- wait- I… I got a lighter somewhere.” Chanyeol fights against himself in his frantic search of the lighter, and Baekhyun clearly sees the moment when his best friend drops what he’s been holding this whole time and it isn’t the cake. He drops the key.

It clatters loudly on the floor.

Baekhyun stares. So does Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun looks up and his eyes meet with Kyungsoo’s.

“Come in.”

Baekhyun screams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What are you so afraid of?!”

“Why don’t you have any sense of danger?!”

“We have a cake!”

“Why do you keep getting him cakes?! He probably hates cakes! I’m pretty sure he hates anything sweet! I bet he killed the last person who asked him if he’d take any sugar with his pitch black coffee like his soul!”

“Soo doesn’t even drink coffee!”

“And you never wondered why?”

“I even asked him, asshole! Coffee gives him headaches.”

“… _See_?! Who says coffee gives them headaches? Serial killers, that’s who!”

“How does that make any sense?!”

“Because they have to keep killing the people offering them coffee with milk and sugar in it and that would rouse suspicions after a while!”

“That’s fucking stupid!”

“You are stupid!”

“No, you are!”

“You are both stupid.”

“Oh, fuck!”

“Shit, it’s Soo- I mean I didn’t mean it like- Hi!”

“Why do I keep finding you two in my door? And with a cake every time?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But dude, seriously, why are you so scared of him? Like, did he do anything to you?”

“I saw it, alright? Saw it with my own eyes.”

“What? Saw what?”

Baekhyun inhales deeply. “Let me start from the beginning.”

“Just tell me what you saw-”

“So, I’ve always been sort of suspicious of him, right? He wears black exclusively and he has that blank expression on his handsome face all the time. Textbook psycho-killer-look much…? And one day I heard-”

“I thought you saw-”

“Shut up, I’m getting there. One day I _heard_ a high-pitched scream of a woman. It was coming from his room. I went there to check it because I can’t simply let murder take place on my watch, on my _turf_ , can I? So, I knocked on his door and he- he answered holding a huge ass knife, _bloodied_ \- there was blood everywhere, Chanyeol. I ran away, fast and I’m telling you, I barely saved my own ass. I couldn’t sleep in my room for 3 days after that. When I finally returned, he had that note stuck on his door. Pretty weird… Anyway, do you believe me now?”

Chanyeol doesn’t speak when Baekhyun finishes. Baekhyun exhales a sigh of relief.

“There was a girl in his room?”

“That’s what you take from all this?! Did you listen to a word I said?!”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol smirks at him. “You think he’s handsome.”

“Yeol!”

“Look, I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, okay? Let’s go ask him.”

“Ask him what?! Sorry to disturb you but have you happened to kill a person in your room a month ago?”

“Sure, that works.”

“Which murderer would say yes to that?!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yes, I have.”

Baekhyun is gobsmacked. Chanyeol blinks.

Kyungsoo looks around a bit. “Did you guys come only to ask that?”

Chanyeol nods.

“Without a cake?”

“Mu… Murderer!” Baekhyun shoves an accusing finger in Kyungsoo’s face.

“I was kidding. Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Lies!”

Kyungsoo slowly blinks. “You don’t believe me.”

“You’re a murderer!”

“It was a joke.”

“No, I saw you!”

“What?”

“You were holding a knife and there was blood on you, on your face, on your hands, on your _knife_ …!”

Kyungsoo looks confused as he furrows his brows in thought, trying to recall in his recent memory if he really killed someone. Then something seems to click in his mind. He raises a challenging eyebrow at Baekhyun.

“Where’s the body then?”

“I don’t know. You probably dissolved it with acid in your bathtub or something to hide it.”

“This isn’t Breaking Bad, and our dorm has shared bathrooms. Besides, that isn’t how you hide a body. No one does that, except Walter White.”

“So you admit you hid the body!”

“No. I’m saying real life works different than TV shows.”

“You’re not denying it!”

“I just did.”

“How do you explain the blood then? And don’t even bother lying, I saw what I saw clearly and it wasn’t you bleeding from a cut finger. It wasn’t you bleeding at all.”

“It was strawberry jam. I was trying a new recipe, but it went wrong.”

“It wasn’t strawberry jam! Do you take me for an idiot? I wouldn’t confuse strawberry jam with fucking blood!”

“Cherry jam then.”

“It wasn't jam!”

“Tomato juice?”

“Are you asking me?!”

“I cut my finger.”

“You’re not even trying anymore!”

“Well, it wasn’t blood and it certainly wasn’t your blood.” Kyungsoo slightly lifts his eyebrows as if crossing a message, which Baekhyun receives loud and clear. He screams and runs for his life, back to his room. He locks his door behind himself, forgetting about a best friend he’s left on his own.

Chanyeol cackles. “You did that on purpose.”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo’s blank façade fades away in lieu of a wide smile.

“What was it though?”

“Homemade fake blood.” Kyungsoo chuckles into his hand. “I was messing with him. I’ve kept hearing him saying how I was showing symptoms of a psychopath when he thought I wasn’t around. I’m surprised it took him this long to confront me. I actually forgot about it until now.”

Chanyeol bursts out laughing, though he feels obligated to apologize on behalf of his best friend. “Sorry about him. He doesn’t mean bad. He just takes time letting go of an idea, especially if it scares him.”

“It’s alright. I think I went too far with that joke, anyway.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, amused. “Well, sorry for bothering you. See you around?” He says.

“Actually… I was about to watch the new episode of Walking Dead. Wanna come in? I have popcorn.”

“Hell yeah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What do you do after I leave?”

“You mean when you ditch me with someone you consider a serial killer.”

“It’s always you dragging our asses there to begin with. Besides, you’re not afraid of him. So what do you do?”

“I hang out with him in his room.”

“What?! You’ve been to his room?! Like, actually been inside?!”

“That’s what hanging out in his room entails, yes.”

“Why are you so eager to die?”

“I’m not. You’re just being a stubborn, dramatic ass. He’s a nice person and he’s cute.”

“Cute? What, you like him or something, Yeol?” Baekhyun snorts.

Chanyeol’s ears redden as he mutters unintelligibly under his breath. He fidgets where he sits in embarrassment when Baekhyun gasps.

“You _do_! I knew you have the strangest type but what the hell, Chanyeol? My very own best friend, fallen for a murderer! What am I going to do?”

“Oh, cut the crap, Baek. I told you he was fucking with you and he feels bad about it. Kind of.”

“Like how he felt bad when he killed an innocent human being?”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes so far back to his head, he almost gives himself a headache. “I like hanging out with him and if you stopped being a little shit, you’d like him, too. Did you know he’s a theater major?”

“Why should I know? And how should I? I’m not the one sleeping with the murderer.”

“We’re not sleeping together, Baek, the hell!”

“Then what are you doing in his room?”

“We talk and sometimes watch a movie together. We follow the same TV shows, too.”

“God, that’s so bi.”

“We _are_ bi. You are, too.”

“Why the hell haven’t you slept with him?”

“We aren’t even dating, Baek. I haven’t… confessed to him, yet.”

“You’re pussying out, aren’t you? I know you. Just make a damn move, Chanyeol.”

“These things take time, okay?! You wouldn’t understand.”

Baekhyun guffaws sardonically.

“Why are you so keen for me to date him when you’re so convinced he’s a psychopath?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “He likes you if he lets you in his ‘abode of murder’. You’re going to get yourself killed anyway. At least you wouldn’t die a virgin.”

Chanyeol throws a book at his friend, hitting Baekhyun square in the forehead. “I’m not a virgin!”

“It’s been so long for you, your virginity must’ve grown back.”

“It doesn’t grow back, shut up!”

“I’m pretty sure it does. Isn’t it in the Bible?”

“No, you idiot-” Chanyeol begins but he is cut off by a screech coming from the room next door.

“Oh god, it’s happening again.”

Chanyeol scrambles to his feet, running out of Baekhyun’s room to Kyungsoo’s, his best friend in tow. Before they can attempt a knock, the door flies open.

Kyungsoo looks up at them panic written in his face, eyes unfocused and complexion blanched. His hands are almost drenched in blood, his cheeks are stained with that eerie crimson. Chanyeol makes a move to reach for him but Kyungsoo’s shaky voice makes him falter. “It’s not me… It’s- It’s Jongdae- he- blood, so much-”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun look behind Kyungsoo. They see someone convulsed on the floor, moaning in pain. Kyungsoo grabs their shirts in his fists and says, “Help. Please,” before he promptly faints.

 

“Shit! The fuck?! The fuck?!”

“Baek, focus! Help me hold Soo then get that guy! We gotta get them to the hospital, hurry!”

“Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So, he has hemophobia.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s scared of blood.”

“Basically.”

“How the hell did he manage to pull that prank on me?”

“Now you believe he isn’t a murderer?”

“Well, it’s hard to believe it after he begs you to help his friend and faints on you because he can’t handle seeing or smelling blood.”

“Well put.”

 

“…Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo’s voice reaches them as he exits to the hallway, done with his own examination, looking much better but also ashamed that he had to be examined.

“Soo. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry you had to carry me in, too.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you. Also you, Baekhyun. I’m sorry for scaring you this whole time.”

Baekhyun fixes a careful eye on Kyungsoo, who doesn’t meet his gaze and looks down at himself. Then Baekhyun lets the silence pass and pulls Kyungsoo into a hug.

“I forgive you. Yeol is right, you are cute.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t hug back but he effectively hides his face in Baekhyun’s engulfing arms. Though his reddening ears are clearly visible. “Oh… I thought I looked like a textbook psycho killer.”

Baekhyun throws a look at Chanyeol and mouths, _you told him that?_ He says out loud, “That was before you showed emotion.”

 _You just told him I think he’s cute!_ , Chanyeol mouths back.

“Thanks… I guess.” Kyungsoo pulls away from Baekhyun and turns to Chanyeol. “I think you’re cute, too.”

Baekhyun watches the spectacular moment of Chanyeol losing his footing.

“O-oh, um-” Chanyeol takes in a breath and looks up. “Do you want to… grab tea some time? With me, tea… some time, wanna drink tea with me, do you?”

“…and cake, too?” Kyungsoo asks. He looks at Chanyeol under his lashes a bit shyly but his eyes shine in amusement.

“Of course.”

“I’d love to-”

“Guys,” a whine interrupts them. “Remember me? The guy who cut his hand?”

“Dae,” Kyungsoo breathes out, turning around to face his friend. “How are you feeling?”

“They gave me stitches. They fucking _sewed_ my hand, Soo!” Kyungsoo’s friend drapes himself onto him. He contently sighs when Kyungsoo begins patting him on the back. “It hurts but I’ll live.”

Baekhyun loudly clears his throat while Chanyeol is busy glaring, and greets the patient, “Hello, bleeding dude we rushed to the hospital.”

“Hi! Thank you for that. You can call me Jongdae! It’s shorter.”

“Baekhyun! Nice to meet you.”

“Chanyeol.”

“Nice to meet ya both!” Jongdae shifts his gaze from one person to another curiously. “What were you guys talking about before I came over?”

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo fidget, averting their eyes, looking everywhere but at each other.

Baekhyun smirks. “ _I_ was witnessing the birth of a relationship. _They_ were doing the birthing.”

“What?”

“My best friend here just asked your Soo out. It was a beautiful disaster as expected!”

“Soo! Is that true?! I’m so happy for you! I’m almost glad I cut my hand, but you don’t need to thank me!”

Baekhyun crosses his arms. “Why would they thank you?”

“Well, it’s because I cut my hand that they came to this point. Seriously Soo, how exciting is that your crush finally asked you out?! It’s worth getting my hand sewed-”

“Stop right there, Stitches. If they’re going to thank someone, it’s me. I brought them together.”

“Really? How so?”

“You see, just before you arrived I told Kyungsoo Chanyeol finds him cute or else it would be the beginning of new Ice Age or something until someone did something.”

“So what you’re basically saying is you embarrassed your friend in front of his crush?”

“That’s how you speed up the process.” Baekhyun shrugs.

“Huh- wait, where did they go?”

“What- Damn it, Chanyeol! We came here in his car!” Baekhyun grunts to himself as he takes his phone out, planning to call his friend and tell him to turn the damn car around and give them a lift back to the dorms because it’s _polite_ , but he receives a message from the said friend instead.

“Yeol just sent me a text.”

“Soo texted me, too.” Jongdae mirrors Baekhyun in looking down at his own phone.

“He says… What. He says since we’re so busy flirting, they figured they could go have their date now.”

“Soo is saying the same thing…”

“Some best friends.”

“They suck.”

“Hopefully each other, if things go well for Yeol.”

“Ew- but yeah. Soo is good at it.”

“Yeol is not so bad himself- wait, how do you know that?”

“How do _you_?”

Baekhyun and Jongdae narrow their eyes at each other. They try to stare down the other before they promptly give up.

“If you keep your mouth shut, I won’t tell Yeol a thing.”

“Only if you do the same.”

“I just said I will-”

“Deal.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“So… you want to swing by the café and grab some coffee?”

“Dude, my hand.”

“Oh, right… So, you want to or…?”

“Yeah, I do. Coffee, I need. Desperately.”

Baekhyun grins manically.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You have to stop doing this, Yeol. I’m starting to think it’s a weird mating call for threesome.”

“Don’t be disgusting, Baek.”

“Why are you still dragging me to his door even after you’ve started dating?”

“I already told you, you have to apologize to Soo, too. You talked behind his back and knowing you, you weren’t discreet about it-”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“That’s the whole reason he pulled a prank on you! And to be honest, you totally blew things out of proportion.”

“What would _you_ do if you thought your next room dorm neighbor is a murderer?!”

“You have to admit you’re a scaredy-cat and you overreact, Baek.”

“You- _you_ are calling me scaredy-cat?! You jump 2 feet high when a chair scrapes the floor too loudly-”

“It was _one time_ and it was so quiet in the library!”

“My point is if you were thinking with your brain instead of your dick, you wouldn’t step a _toe_ on this floor!”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun glare at each other, standing yet again in front of Kyungsoo’s door, this time Baekhyun carrying an apology cake.

 

“Is this déjà vu-”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun jolt so violently even Kyungsoo flinches in shock.

“Fuck, I’m never getting used to this.”

“Soo, you scared me.” Chanyeol leans down to give Kyungsoo a greeting kiss, ignoring Baekhyun’s poignant stares.

“You guys brought me a cake again,” Despite his tone, Kyungsoo has a small smile on his lips. “Let’s eat it, come in.”

“Ugh, I still don’t know what I feel about threesome yet-”

Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun’s face away. “Baek is only here to apologize to you. Quickly accept it, so he can return to the hole he crawled out of.”

“Rude- ow! Get your hand away from me,” Baekhyun slaps Chanyeol’s offending hand and faces Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry, Soo for talking behind you without knowing you. You’re a squishy sweetheart, I know that now. Also, sorry about the threesome thing, Yeol just sprung this on me-”

“For fucks sake!” Chanyeol takes the cake out of Baekhyun’s tiny grasp and slams the door shut on his best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you want to finish Game of Thrones or do something else?”

“I don’t know. Let me think.” Chanyeol pecks Kyungsoo on the lips. He pulls back the slightest bit and pretends to hum in thought. “I still don’t know. Let me think more.” He dives in to give quick,fleeting kisses to Kyungsoo, subtly lingering each peck longer.

Kyungsoo giggles between kisses. “You can think like this?”

“Yes, it’s giving me lots of ideas.”

“Really? I can’t think of anything when I kiss you.”

Chanyeol freezes for a moment before dropping his head. He buries his heated face in Kyungsoo’s chest and Kyungsoo lightly strokes Chanyeol’s hair in consolation.

“Instant knock out,” Chanyeol says.

“I know.”

Chanyeol whips his head up and looks at Kyungsoo’s amused expression with determination. His gaze eventually falls to his boyfriend’s mouth and Chanyeol knows he is already addicted to those plump lips. He holds Kyungsoo’s jaw in his hands and moves in to give his boyfriend a proper kiss.

 

“My lips hurt.”

“Sorry.” Chanyeol mutters while peppering Kyungsoo’s cheeks with kisses. “You just taste so good and your lips are so- I can’t help it.”

“We have to do something about your biting habit.”

Chanyeol sulks. “You hate it?”

“No. I might like it too much,” Kyungsoo continues before Chanyeol has the time to even smirk predatorily, “But my lips can’t take all of it.”

“Aw, let me apologize to those poor beauties.” Chanyeol gives soft, feathery touches to Kyungsoo’s swollen lips with his own.

Kyungsoo gently grabs Chanyeol’s face, effectively stopping him. “What I’m saying, we should divide that attention- but not now. Because right now I’m really, _really_ hungry. For food.”

Chanyeol chuckles, cheeks squished in Kyungsoo’s hands with the force of his stretched grin.

“Dinner?”

“Yes, _please_.”

Chanyeol envelops Kyungsoo’s hand in his. They leave the room quickly but Kyungsoo halts them shortly after.

“Wait. That’s Jongdae’s shoes.”

“In front of Baek’s door.”

“I didn’t know they got close…?”

“Baek didn’t tell me anything…”

The boyfriends briefly look at each other before they simultaneously press their ears to Baekhyun’s door. Then they promptly flinch back.

“ _Ew_ -”

“Why did we do that? Like what did we expect to hear-”

“How can I erase those sounds from my brain-”

“So gross. So gross, Baek-”

“Things they _say_ -”

“What is _wrong_ with them-”

“I don’t think I’m hungry anymore- oh, never mind. I am.”

“Let’s go, baby. We need to stress eat.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What just happened…?” Chanyeol’s whole body goes slack in horror.

“I think…” Kyungsoo says, breathless, “I think you accidentally confessed-”

“No! No, no, I didn’t!”

“Are you blatantly denying what you said or just the part where it was on accident? I’m a little confused.”

“I didn’t say anything at all! I never spoke a word! In fact, I’ve never opened my mouth my entire life! I… I… I…” Chanyeol deflates with a frustrated sigh. “I’m a fucking idiot, god!” He buries his face in his hands. “Weeks of planning and I fucked it up! Like you were literally asking if I wanted another cup of tea and I just said. That. I didn’t even say yes! Way to go, Chanyeol. Just blurt it out, right, you idiot.”

“…So, you do want tea?”

“Soo!”

Kyungsoo stifles his chuckles into his hand. He feels giddy as he walks towards his boyfriend. He gently pries the stubborn hands open and climbs into Chanyeol’s lap, relishing in the way slender arms instinctively wrap themselves around his middle. “Chanyeol. Yeollie. It’s okay, I’m so happy. Open your eyes. Come on, look at me.”

Kyungsoo waits patiently for Chanyeol to reluctantly unscrew his shut eyes as he caresses Chanyeol’s face, hair, shoulders, anywhere within his immediate reach, really. “It was perfect. How you said it. What makes it the best, we both didn’t expect it. It couldn’t be any better.”

Chanyeol is coaxed to open his eyes, gazing straight into Kyungsoo’s eyes with the biggest pout he’s ever pulled off. Kyungsoo lovingly kisses it until it is gone and replaced by a smile. Then he says into Chanyeol’s lips, “I love you, too.”

He gives pecks to Chanyeol’s parted lips. Or at least he attempts. It gets increasingly difficult since the both of them are unable to contain the grins that persist on their faces.

“Really? You do?”

“Yes. I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” Kyungsoo giggles when Chanyeol makes a pitiful noise. “I already knew it, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yeollie, did you know that you talk in your sleep?”

Chanyeol lets what his boyfriend said sink in for a second before his eyes widen in realization. He thumps his face into Kyungsoo’s chest with a groan. Kyungsoo hugs his boyfriend to him as he laughs heartily and swings them sideways.

Chanyeol doesn’t come out of his Kyungsoo arm cocoon for a long time but he does muffle another, “I love you.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Is it too obvious I just randomly finished it? The whole thing is quite random tho, so it should be fine? lol?  
> 


End file.
